Hate is a Commitment as Important as Love
by Chocolatecigarretes
Summary: "I hate her" that is definite, he knows. Then again, love and hate are so very similar -OkiKagu.


**Hate is a commitment as important as love.**

_She's just like the weather, can't hold her together._  
_Born from dark water;_  
_Daughter of the rain and snow**.**_

Usually they go for the beating up; good old fashioned fights. First to draw blood wins. She is immensely strong, so it's not a surprise when Okita sees the need of using his sword to help block her kicks and punches and head-butts.

It's his choice to use it unsheathed though. And he feels a little bit guilty when he cuts her cheek. The blood runs wildly across her face. It's the same color as her hair, he notices, and the sky is the same color as her eyes.

"Damn brat"

"Hey this is a fight, don't chicken out on me, China" besides, she has done much more damage before. She has broken ribs and knees and hearts. But she walks away and he sighs. She is such a sore loser.

Next day he half expects her to ignore him, and to see a big ugly wound on her big ugly face, or maybe a frown in his direction. There is none of that. Her skin is white as ever. And he is the one frowning.

He has the marks of each and every fight he's lost. The scar of when she broke his arm and the bones were sticking out. The scars of her bites and scratches, of the time when she hit him with the tip of her umbrella in the brow and broke his skin. He has the reminders and so he _remembers_.

But if she has no scars, how would _she_ remember? (one day she is going to leave earth and he would have the scars of her, and she?)

She wouldn't. And it's not fair.

**xxx.-**

Okita finds her at the park, as always. This time though she is not alone. There is a sickish boy beside her, and they're both just sitting, staring at each other, probably talking but he doesn't hear them over the other kids singing 'Kagura and Hiashi, sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G~!'. He feels sick; thinks about walking to them and picking a fight with her like always, but she's smiling in a way he's never seen her smile and the fucking brats keep singing their stupid, childish song.

He turns around. Doesn't see her staring at his back for a second.

**xxx.-**

"She is not allowed to date, you know" Gintoki is barely paying attention to him by this point. Okita makes a face.

"Are you one of those daughter or sister complex creeps? Or are you actually a lolicon?" then he turns to the riverside and notices that he's been staring at her for quite some time. He feels disgusted "And who would want her anyways?"

The sun reflects on her hair and it looks much more intense, like blood. He likes that. He shakes his head.

"I'm pretty sure you know _who_" his fellow samurai is picking his nose and looking at the sunset sky "Gin-san is no creep, but her father and brother are"

Okita thinks he can handle them.

**xxx.-**

Kagura watches her Gin-chan talking and drinking and getting dangerously close with the moon courtesan. She corrects herself. He is not her Gin-chan anymore; probably never really was.

"You look like a heartbroken schoolgirl. Quite pathetic" she frowns. His smell alerted her of his presence way before he could speak. Like gunpowder and candies and a bit of sadism in there. She had thought she could ignore him and just sink in her grief but clearly that wouldn't happen. Not with him.

"Fuck off, I'm not in the mood to deal with brats"

"You are such a sore loser" he sits beside her at the bar. She is old enough to be in a bar now, old enough to get herself wasted out of heartbreak. She even held the hope for some months that maybe she was old enough for _him_ too.

Apparently she wasn't.

"Be happy he chose a woman and not Hijikata-san. I actually thought he was gay for some years"

"I bet that broke your Vice-Commander's heart, uh?"

"No, it broke yours" and she asks herself if she is so painfully obvious. _Yes you are_, a voice tells her, sounds exactly like the boy –no; man- beside her. Everyone else seemed to notice her emptiness as she glared at the couple. Everyone but _him_. She tells herself that's for the best.

"I never stood a chance anyways" she wonders why she is telling him "Ten years is quite some time, no matter your age. And Tsukky is good"

So she gets drunk, like she always wanted. And Okita stays with her all night, and then takes her home.

**xxx.-**

The first time he has close contact with her actual family is a disaster, mostly for him.

He barely evades the crushing umbrella, and mainly he thinks it's her again and his mood suddenly brightens. Then the dust fades and the umbrella that almost broke his skull is greener, bigger, older, and all in all _uglier_. He knows then that he is most likely doomed.

"I hear you are wooing my daughter" the voice is cracked with something Okita thinks is self-control. Umibozu obviously doesn't want to talk, not one word. He wants to beat him until his body is a reddish pudding.

"That is a horrible lie, Sir. I assure you, your daughter is the one wooing _me_" he can't resist, and smiles at the man with that undertone all fathers fear and hate.

Kagura has to save his sorry ass when all his ribs are broken and death is near. She glares at her father and states 'I'm the only one who can beat up this brat' and Okita feels light as the ambulance carries him to the hospital.

**xxx.-**

Kamui looks very much like her, he notices; same hair, same skin, same round, childish face. But the eyes are two worlds apart. The brother's eyes are either empty or filled with something he finds oddly familiar. The eyes of a killer.

Kagura flies forward, graceful and deadly, and Okita thinks she is the strongest. She lands a punch or two, kicks her brother's face and fires her bullets angrily, painfully. Kamui smiles all the time and it is then he sees it. _She is not stronger. _

Suddenly she is pinned against a wall, choking on her brother's dangerous hug, and he is looking at her like she is nothing but a speck of dust he can blow away. Then Okita can't just watch anymore and fires his bazooka at the fucker before he can kill her.

It's not a surprise when he loses. Kondo had tried to stop him, but a brother should never hurt his sister; and _no_ _one_ should ever hurt _her_. And so Okita falls to the ground, broken and bleeding. He goes to sleep-

-wakes up when the ground shakes. He notices that looking like that; Kagura is very much like her brother, even the eyes. But she kicks his ass real good this time until it all comes down to her.

She is crying when Gin finally arrives and stops her from killing her brother. Then she kneels beside him, hugs him and forgives him.

**xxx.-**

Kagura and Nobume get together and crush his balls. He hears them giggle and thinks the whole afternoon is a storybook of ridiculousness. At morning his slaves –_Shinsengumi fellows_- kept staring at him with pity and a hint of satisfaction, and later Hijikata talked to him about how girls can be cruel. He blew off the compound before leaving

Okita sees the two monsters sharing a box of donuts and frowns. Imai Nobume _never_ shares her donuts. He pays special attention to her and notices a glint of the twisted happiness he knows they share. Her face is inexpressive as she hugs Kagura and plays with her cheeks and braids her hair.

He tries not to feel like the female samurai has stolen something from him. But Kagura suddenly doesn't talk to him anymore, doesn't call him Sadist, and doesn't kick his ass. And he is pissed.

"I simply told her you have a massive crush on her" he finds Nobume later that week. He doesn't demand explanations but she tells him anyway. He tries not to spill the soda he had brought.

"She is not stupid enough to believe that"

"She's not" Nobume eyes him suspiciously "Not nearly as much as you at least" she turns around with her ten boxes of pastries "What if she liked you back?"

"I hate her" that is definite, he knows. Then again, love and hate are so very similar.

Nobume shrugs and exits the store. Okita resents her because now he won't be able to look at the China girl without remembering this conversation.

**xxx.-**

Gintoki is asleep when the door busts open and wakes him in the mots rude way possible. There's smoke and the scent of gunpowder, and suddenly a bazooka is aiming at his head.

"Danna, pedophiles are the worst"

He screams nonsense excuses at the lovesick officer until he realizes the only mistake he's ever made is to let Kagura into his room at night. Gin decides then, he would never try to be a good father figure to her ever again. Not if it's going to get him killed by a very jealous, very sadistic and very much in-denial idiot.

**xxx.-**

"I'm leaving tomorrow" she says between punches and hair pulls. He doesn't stop fighting until one of them is lying on the ground.

"Tomorrow night, you bastard. Are you listening?" she sticks her fingers in his nostrils.

He is listening; he always listens to her because really, she's too _noisy_. He just doesn't know what to say, for the first time. Is not like he can ask her to stay, or go with her. Is not like he is going to confess his undying love right before she leaves, because this is not supposed to be a shoujo and he is already risking too much by humoring her this way.

He smirks.

"So what?"

(is not like he can do anything else but be himself)

When she leaves earth he doesn't go to the Terminal. Half of Kabuki-Chou is there, patting her head, probably crying their hearts out. He intends to stay home and watch the TV drama, but Kondo gives him that weird stare only he can, full of 'I-know-what-you're-doing' and 'you-will-regret-this'; the stare of wisdom, he calls it, and Okita rolls his eyes, drives calmly to the Terminal and farewells her with a kick in the butt.

For the next year or so, he tries very hard to ignore the silence she left behind.

**xxx**.-

Okita supposes the perfect match for him would have to be Nobume. He can't imagine a whole day in her presence though, and he can't image their children or the house they would live in. He can't even imagine his dead sister meeting the girl.

He drinks another bottle. Everyone around him is so very drunk he could get a life worth of blackmail photos, but he is pretty much drunk too and holding a camera becomes impossible.

All the room spins in an endless mixture of pretty colors. There is brown and violet and gray. He falls flat on the floor while the rest sing and dance. Looks at the celling and sees nothing but red. It all spins, like a sunset full of orange clouds and he remembers a day with a girl who had the same colors in her clothes.

Then, through the mist of red and puffy, a bolt of blue shines and mixes in. He wishes the room could just stop moving because for some reason he really wants to see what the red and the blue are.

"Oi brat, are you intoxicated yet?" her voice hurts against his ears. Too close.

Then everything stands still and he sees her; he sees the blue and the red and the sunset from that day. _She is not allowed to date_, he had been told.

"Your Mayo Vice-Commander told me to get you up before you drown in your own vomit" she smiles "Though that would be just perfect actually, yes?"

He wants to stand, because certainly the nausea threatens to give him back his food, and if someone is going to drown in his vomit it's going to be her.

She takes his arm and pulls him up so easily he wonders if she is going to carry her groom bride-style on her wedding. The thought is bitter. He tries not to lean on her, but she smells sweet, with an underline of cheap shampoo and seaweed.

Kagura, he thinks. China.

Not Nobume.

He knows why he can't imagine.

**xxx**.-

"You should just confess already. Save the city all the destruction your flirting causes"

"And you should just die, Hijikata"

"I'm telling you this out of good will, you bastard. I want you to be happy!"

"I don't know what you're talking about" a gasp "Could you be hitting on me? That's no good Hijikata-san, my heart belongs to someone already"

"_Exactly_!"

"It must be hard for you, having a crush on me for too long… I always knew you were an M"

"This is not about me, and I don't have a crush on you, you sick sadist!" a sigh. He closes his eyes and smokes. "I'm surprised you're not denying it"

"What? That you are an M?"

"That you like her, you asshole"

**xxx**.-

So when they finally get together it doesn't come as a surprise for anyone.

Shinpachi scratches his head and looks at them. He doesn't quite understand their relationship. They keep beating the living daylights out of each other, as always. Otae smiles knowingly and he feels a chill down his spine. He hates it when girls know things he doesn't.

Nobume keeps stealing her away from him, possibly enjoying his irritated look.

Hijikata smokes and eats his bad habits. He is happy for the boy, and some dark corner of his mind tells him he could have been happy too, once, long ago. But now it's all far away now and he can't be gladder Okita didn't make the same mistake as he did. Kondo cries and hugs his two children. Yamazaki simply wonders of they haven't been dating for, like, _years_ already.

Gintoki panics horribly.

"Her father is going to kill us _both_!"

"Already tried to kill me. Guess I was too much for him" Kagura smacks him in the head and reminds him just _who_ saved his sorry ass. Okita dismisses her with a kiss that makes her angrier.

Later though, he warns him:

"I hope you know what you're doing. Because _I_ know what _I'll_ do if you don't" the threat behind their bottles of sake leaves Okita with a chill, but he gets it.

"I know exactly what I'm doing" it's easier to think when she sleeps after all.

* * *

God I totally intended to make this longer, but suddenly BAM it was done. And there you have it.

Also, I was seriously torn between canon!Kamui (crazy bitch) and sis-con!Kamui (adorable bitch). I opted for the canon, since I feel this is already quite not so in-character ;_; (though I reaaally wanted to write Kamui being all jelly and shit)

Reviews for drunk Okita, yes?


End file.
